Everthing has changed ... nothing is the same.....
This is the same Kolkata but nothing is the same anymore. Nothing inspires me any more .... the same places now do not have any charm nor any feeling of belonging
One more day of these pains, these sufferings and I will be back in my isolation, laughing even when I don't feel like, dancing even when I don't feel like..... but my commitments are made of steel, nothing changes it; to the last breath of my life, irrespective of my pains, irrespective of my sufferings, I will be here ..... I promised to be here and here I will be
And till then, these evenings will continue ..... let her have her best times with the new relationships, I will accept it as a punishment for my sins and continue as I am destined to .... After all, this is my Destiny.
Dil Ko Teri Hi Tammanna, Dil Ko Hai Tujhse Hi Pyaar
Chaahe Tu Aaye Naa Aaye, Hum Karenge Intezaar
Remember the Beauty and the Beast, I am the Beast
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Committed Till I Die
There are two facets to Love - the first is Commitment and the second is Attachment ... One without the other is useless; you commit because you feel attached.... but you do not attach because you commit - hence Commitment is the more important facet of Love - the one facet that determines Love.... And Commitment does not end even if the one you love stops loving you and leaves you in the middle of the road - alone and broken, helpless and defeated, for better prospects and better people; Commitment does not depend on Circumstances; it does not end because of undue pressure or total Frustration ....
Commitment doesn't end even if the one you love, finds solace in the arms of another, double-times you or leaves you for another .... Commitment is like a Contract that you sign with the blood of your heart and it is a contract of duties; not a contract of rights - so even if the one you love, fails to honour it, it has to be honoured - to the last breath, to the final drop and even beyond, if possible.....
I know it's all over ... Trust me, I do not expect any new turns and twists in the story ... but the fact of the story is that my commitment shall continue till I have even one iota of life in me ..... Ishita keeps telling me a lot of stuff, of the hotel where they meet and the time they spend together, making love and all that stuff, and even after telling her repeatedly that I am not interested in knowing the stuff, she keeps telling me - Today I lost my cool on her, but I just could not let someone say all that stuff about the girl who really matters to me, even though I no longer do to her .... It does not matter ... I still love her and even though, she will never comes back and even if it's true that she nowadays remains in the arms of another .... that will not reduce either my love for her or my commitment for her....
My body is full of belt welts and every third day I renew those wounds but ..... the pain of losing her just doesn't go away .... I promised her no calls, no texts, nothing ..... till she calls or texts me! Since that is an impossibility, I have to burn in this.... And I will burn - this is my punishment for all those tantrums, loose temper, loose talks .... Thank God, she was saved, I will suffer silently!
I once said, I see my God in her ..... I still do!
Commitment doesn't end even if the one you love, finds solace in the arms of another, double-times you or leaves you for another .... Commitment is like a Contract that you sign with the blood of your heart and it is a contract of duties; not a contract of rights - so even if the one you love, fails to honour it, it has to be honoured - to the last breath, to the final drop and even beyond, if possible.....
I know it's all over ... Trust me, I do not expect any new turns and twists in the story ... but the fact of the story is that my commitment shall continue till I have even one iota of life in me ..... Ishita keeps telling me a lot of stuff, of the hotel where they meet and the time they spend together, making love and all that stuff, and even after telling her repeatedly that I am not interested in knowing the stuff, she keeps telling me - Today I lost my cool on her, but I just could not let someone say all that stuff about the girl who really matters to me, even though I no longer do to her .... It does not matter ... I still love her and even though, she will never comes back and even if it's true that she nowadays remains in the arms of another .... that will not reduce either my love for her or my commitment for her....
My body is full of belt welts and every third day I renew those wounds but ..... the pain of losing her just doesn't go away .... I promised her no calls, no texts, nothing ..... till she calls or texts me! Since that is an impossibility, I have to burn in this.... And I will burn - this is my punishment for all those tantrums, loose temper, loose talks .... Thank God, she was saved, I will suffer silently!
I once said, I see my God in her ..... I still do!
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