What should I do?

It's 4:18 AM and there is no sleep in my eyes. Not that I wish to complain nor do I wish to blame anyone for the same. This is my life and I chose it this way.

I never regret anything in my life - there are a few things but those were not often in my hands; but today I regret that I told her I would never contact her till she contacts me; I had no option - she was of the opinion that I would keep on disturbing her;; I had to build up her faith .... In the best part of our life together, I was her Strength; how could I be her Weakness in such a time when she was leaving me? Hadn't I hurt her so much more by my comments and statements. though they were all hot airbags and not meant for serious consumptions?

Today, I have my own promise to burn me up.... What should I do? I cannot even contact her, can't text her, can't mail her, can't call her ... even though when I am in the same city, at times, I cannot even go and meet her.... Never knew my own Commitment would punish me so severely. Just wanted to tell her that I am waiting for her forever, if she would ever want to come back (not that I expect her to come back - but to be frank, I still believe in God that she would one day)

I wish there was some way to contact her and tell her that I would wait for her forever ... that I would love her forever, with the same commitment, attachment and unconditional fervour that used to be always there .... Sadly, there is none.... I can only interact with her if she desires to; I can never initiate the talks in any way.... nor do I have any avenue or third-party contact that I can use to send across my message.

God.... why do you test me so ruthlessly? I have not lost my temper since last so many months but what's the use? ... I wish this change would have come 6 months ago ... I would not be wringing my hands in despair and frustration


Love has set me on a Test and I am writing it with Tears, Sweat, Blood and Life-Force! What else can I do?