On my relationship with Allah - A friend's Quote

ALLAH gave me everything I needed ....and nothing that I wanted

I asked for strength & potential to survive,
and ALLAH gave calamities to make me strong;

I asked for wisdom, intellect & enlightenment,
& ALLAH gave me the problems of others resolved;

I asked for wealth , health & prosperity;
& ALLAH gave brain & brawn to work,

I asked for ambition and courage,
& ALLAH gave me danger to overcome;

I asked for love , compassion & tranquillity,
& ALLAH gave troubled people to help;

And then I asked for elevation through favouritism,
& ALLAH gave me opportunity to achieve and gain;

I recieved nothing I wanted from ALLAH ,
ALLAH gave me everything I needed..

I loved this quote a lot - reminded me a lot of what my love said once about the difference between the things I wanted and the things I needed

I think this was more important - because if ALLAH gave me the needed qualities, what could stop me from getting the wanted ones - all the wanted ones were derivatives of the needed ones

Tears in Hell

On the 19th of December, I got proof that though God may find pleasure in hurting me, there is still a soft corner in his heart for me - and I was nonplussed to understand this.

When I was young, my deepest tears would often be accompanied by a little shower from the heavens - it had been quite some time since it happened again - but on the 19th it happened - my tears were followed in full measure by rains - a surprise shower on a December day - and using the falling rains as a cover, I cried - I cried like I had not cried for a long time - I walked in that incessant drizzle and cried my heart out. For about 3 hours I kept walking in the rains and crying but somehow it appeared appropriate. Despite pain in my body and despite fever, I still walked on, crying and walking - all the way from my office to my home - and as long as I was on the roads, the skies cried with me and the moment I was in - the rains stopped too....

Thank God - at least the rains are committed to my pains and my tears - the Tears that I call Tears in Hell

What's happening to me?

What has happened to me?

I just do not know what's happening to me? I had the entire case in my grip and then after lunch, I just blew it up.... I could not speak a single word - there was some inexplicable pain in my chest - I could not speak - I could not talk - I could not even move (My hands are still shaking)

Why did it pain me so much? Why could I not control my pains? Why am I letting it impact me so badly? What has happened to my famed will-power?

This was my cake - I could have easily won this case - there was no way they could have snatched it away from my hands but today I just sat there while the case was being taken away from my hands - It's true they saved the day in the end but my reputation has been severely dented

My career is at crossroads and I am sure this will mean an 'Under Par' Rating... I am losing everything - I never had a family, my personal life was always in shambles, I have lost the best of my friends and associates; the one I love deeply is in pain due to my actions and my career is in doldrums

I am clueless what do I do... I am clueless

When Jokers love

There are some decent guys like Eklabya in this world - calm, decent, dignified. They are from decent families, can be very supportive and are decent enough for anyone to fall in love with - These are guys who deserve and get the love of any fairy that want. They are blindly trusted, deeply loved and never forgotten.

And why should they be...... They are the ones who have Love literally begging at their feet.

And then are jokers and fools like Raj - loud, uncouth, undignified, sons of the street, shameless and useless... Can you imagine then that these jokers also think they deserve love - and whose love - the love of a F-A-I-R-Y!

I feel like asking them, have you seen your face in the mirror, you fools!

What's wrong then if the one you love, compares your love to someone else's and you end up as losers?

how can you - the scum of the Earth - think of yourselves as worthy of a fairy?

What's wrong if she shrieks at your shouts - who the hell are you? Are you Eklabya? Are you even worth the mud on the ground where his shit falls?

What's your value? Get Lost! Kill yourself! You are just not worth HER

So many times, I have told you that you don't deserve her but then Raj, how will you understand - after all you are just a stray dog competing with the Lion - the true lover - the ruler of her heart - you are nothing but a disgusting vermin - how dare you behave in this inhuman manner

It's rightly stated that dogs can't digest butter - woe on them who give them ghee to eat

Shame on You Raj - Shame on you

Go away, do not show anybody your face - please go away.

A Question of Faith

Am I again falling off the end of a precipice? Am I again going down the same path? Am I again going to be left alone in the end, as is the usual end of all my feelings and emotions? Am I again going to be left, clutching to the straws, trying to survive while everything that I hold precious falls away from my hands and is lost forever?

I have been down this alley before and I have faced this loneliness before - this feeling of being alone in the entire world is not new to me but today, for the first time, I fear it - Am I being selfish? Am I thinking only about myself?

I do not know; the questions are numerous and the answers impossible to find

But this time, it will pain me severely - the pain will be enormous - I know it but I promise myself, I will not show it

I think this is a test of my faith and I should give this faith.

I have blind faith in someone this time and I know the consequences of this blind faith as well - if it proves right, I will be happy; if not, well - I will be somewhere

God - this time I place my faith in you and my Blind faith and I solemnly agree to the consequences - I will not speak a word, even at the cost of self-destruction or self-aggrandizement

My faith in you and her is complete - Now let me see the result of such a faith